Hi all.
Went to the Dr. today for my ankle and lower leg. I got the photo of my new metal bionic ankle and lower leg. I have posted that on facebook for those who have been asking. This journey is going to be a long one and I am feeling that more and more.
I feel at such a standstill and I feel so frustrated with things right now. I mean going to grocery stores with mom is even exhausting and just so difficult. I had my post op appointment today. They took me out of the post op surgical cast and took the stitches out, (which was nice), and then from there took more x-rays and now i am in this Frankenstein boot which is a cast boot. I am not allowed to put weight on my ankle yet or that leg. So I am non weight bearing until at a BARE minimum of three weeks from now. I go back to my surgeon three weeks from today and get more x-rays and see what those show him and what he thinks our best plan of attack is.
My sister comes into town soon which is exciting. I miss her so much since she has moved and my girls miss her so much too. These visits are something that I cherish beyond belief! I cannot wait for her to get here, to see the girls with her, just to see the interactions and to have a lot of laughs with her! I just wish we lived closer together all year round. I wish that me and both my sisters lived closer together. I just miss those special sibling moments now that we are older. I am thankful for technology and being able to talk to them, see them on webcams, talk to them when I want to now, and not having to wait on snail mail to talk to them. Now that would be frustrating!
I am struggling with life right now. Trying to have God just help show me where I am going and what I am doing. I cannot afford to go back to school right now for my Master's Degree, which is something I would LOVE to do. I am struggling without exercise. I really think I am going to start something for one leg, abs and also arms. And work on that and focus on that because well, that is something I can do for me and will help me. I also need to find SOCIAL things to get involved in because I am feeling lonely. I am SO grateful for my family and my daughters, I just need social interaction with friends. That is what hurts right now emotionally is not having the social interaction. I just miss that. I had it so much prior to the injury and now it is like, it is gone and I just try to figure out why or where it went. I know part of it is that I cannot drive to get to events. Which of course complicates things for me and for my girls. I am thankful, as I said for my parents, for helping me, and working with me and the girls and driving and all. Really is a blessing that they are the kind of parents that they are.
I really hope to feel my spirits rise in the next few days. I just feel alone (emotionally) and just need some others around who are into sports and can understand how i am feeling and potentially even why I feel that way with what is going on! So I truly hope that I can manage to find that soon. There is a picnic tomorrow and I think unless something dramatic happens that I will not be there with my girls. Sounds exhausting. But so does everything right now. Just one day at a time. How about one hour at a time? One minute? Any of these sound like a good option right now.
Well, I will be writing again soon!
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Blogging...
I decided blogging could be a cathartic experience for me right now. To rewind on that topic a little bit might help give some perspective.
I went to train in MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) this past Monday. Usual day for me really. We decided to just do grappling that night. Which of course for me is pure joy. I love doing that. So the guy I was working with decided to try a different sort of take down to the mat, which is good for all of us and helps us grow as students and fighters. He tried a sambo scissor take down. (Sounds complicated but it is not that in depth). So anyway, back to Monday, he went to do the move and while we were both in midair before I hit the ground you heard my ankle snap, crunch, and pop. Talk about a scary sound and pain. I don't remember much of the exacts of what happened but then I remember just falling face down on the mat. Shaking and not breathing easy. I got a bit calmed down and rolled over onto my back to breathe. My instructors and myself stayed optimistic and thought well, just a sprain. So I iced and then went about my things and hobbled (VERY) painfully to my car. Then went on to drive home and hobble around at home with my kiddos. 4 hours later, when the pain hit an all time high I ended up going to the ER in the middle of the night.
The ER was quiet for once. The ER doctor was real nice, very professional. Got x-rays done to find out my ankle was broken and had shifted. So I got wrapped up and given crutches and sent back home. Had to see an orthopedic doctor the next day. He was good as well. And as much as I thought he would put me in a cast or boot, he decided with how bad the break was that I needed surgery and ASAP. So Wednesday at 12pm was the slot less than 48 hours since the injury I was in the OR getting my leg put back together.
I am thankful that now I am 'home' and healing. This is going to be a long road. How Long? I do not know yet. I go back to the surgeon this friday for him to do a post op checkup and find out exactly what he is thinking now.
As I have had time (and been forced to) sit still, as crutches after awhile get very tiring and achy to use, I have had time to think and process a lot. So I have decided to start blogging my thoughts and just probably more for myself than anyone who decides to even read this.
I am learning a lot being forced to sit still and hobble around. One being, who knew how much we take for granted. I mean go with me on this one, even though I know it sounds cliche. We walk about in life doing daily tasks like it is not a big deal and it isn't when you are healthy and able. Take away one of your legs and give yourself something in each hand that you have no choice but to use because you cannot put weight on your 'bad leg' at all, and you realize day to day is not easy anymore. You should see me work on making a cup of tea. Talk about a 20 minute task. Or get my kids dressed, catching them is the hardest because now they know they can outrun me for sure! OR take a shower, get up stairs, get yourself and cook yourself a meal, well, cooking is one thing, relocating with food and drink to a table or chair that is a funny sight for all to see. Frustrating for the one trying to do it. But still. I think I am learning a lot about not taking things for granted.
I also have been so busy that well, I had not been spending as much time just being with my little ones. I tell ya that is about all we can do, stories, play together, laugh, argue (lol), and have them work together. So doing that with them is really been great and really helping me cherish these moments with them so young together. =) It really is making me realize how special and unique these ages are and to not just let the moments fly by without stopping to read a book, or play with characters with them, or clean up together as a group. Really is special.
I know that this injury happened and I know that it sucks. What I don't exactly know yet is how God is going to use it. Do I know he is going to? You bet. Do I know how? Not so much. One baby step (or hop in my case) at a time.
Hope to write more soon. Hope you all were safe during hurricane Irene and that not too many damages happened to you, your families or properties.
God bless.
I went to train in MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) this past Monday. Usual day for me really. We decided to just do grappling that night. Which of course for me is pure joy. I love doing that. So the guy I was working with decided to try a different sort of take down to the mat, which is good for all of us and helps us grow as students and fighters. He tried a sambo scissor take down. (Sounds complicated but it is not that in depth). So anyway, back to Monday, he went to do the move and while we were both in midair before I hit the ground you heard my ankle snap, crunch, and pop. Talk about a scary sound and pain. I don't remember much of the exacts of what happened but then I remember just falling face down on the mat. Shaking and not breathing easy. I got a bit calmed down and rolled over onto my back to breathe. My instructors and myself stayed optimistic and thought well, just a sprain. So I iced and then went about my things and hobbled (VERY) painfully to my car. Then went on to drive home and hobble around at home with my kiddos. 4 hours later, when the pain hit an all time high I ended up going to the ER in the middle of the night.
The ER was quiet for once. The ER doctor was real nice, very professional. Got x-rays done to find out my ankle was broken and had shifted. So I got wrapped up and given crutches and sent back home. Had to see an orthopedic doctor the next day. He was good as well. And as much as I thought he would put me in a cast or boot, he decided with how bad the break was that I needed surgery and ASAP. So Wednesday at 12pm was the slot less than 48 hours since the injury I was in the OR getting my leg put back together.
I am thankful that now I am 'home' and healing. This is going to be a long road. How Long? I do not know yet. I go back to the surgeon this friday for him to do a post op checkup and find out exactly what he is thinking now.
As I have had time (and been forced to) sit still, as crutches after awhile get very tiring and achy to use, I have had time to think and process a lot. So I have decided to start blogging my thoughts and just probably more for myself than anyone who decides to even read this.
I am learning a lot being forced to sit still and hobble around. One being, who knew how much we take for granted. I mean go with me on this one, even though I know it sounds cliche. We walk about in life doing daily tasks like it is not a big deal and it isn't when you are healthy and able. Take away one of your legs and give yourself something in each hand that you have no choice but to use because you cannot put weight on your 'bad leg' at all, and you realize day to day is not easy anymore. You should see me work on making a cup of tea. Talk about a 20 minute task. Or get my kids dressed, catching them is the hardest because now they know they can outrun me for sure! OR take a shower, get up stairs, get yourself and cook yourself a meal, well, cooking is one thing, relocating with food and drink to a table or chair that is a funny sight for all to see. Frustrating for the one trying to do it. But still. I think I am learning a lot about not taking things for granted.
I also have been so busy that well, I had not been spending as much time just being with my little ones. I tell ya that is about all we can do, stories, play together, laugh, argue (lol), and have them work together. So doing that with them is really been great and really helping me cherish these moments with them so young together. =) It really is making me realize how special and unique these ages are and to not just let the moments fly by without stopping to read a book, or play with characters with them, or clean up together as a group. Really is special.
I know that this injury happened and I know that it sucks. What I don't exactly know yet is how God is going to use it. Do I know he is going to? You bet. Do I know how? Not so much. One baby step (or hop in my case) at a time.
Hope to write more soon. Hope you all were safe during hurricane Irene and that not too many damages happened to you, your families or properties.
God bless.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Life
So life is an interesting thing to think about. I know that sounds like an odd way to start a post, but go with me on this one!
My Gran passed away a few weeks ago now. I miss her dearly. And I have had the privilege of spending a lot of time with her before she went to be with Christ and now am learning even more about her that I did not now after her passing. One thing that was discovered was a whole bunch of letters of communication between her and my Papa while my papa was training or fighting in World War 2. They are AMAZING to read. The laughter, the wishes, the dreams, the love, the fears. It is all hand written to each other in these letters. I knew my grandparents and knew them both well, but this was a side of them I had not been blessed to see until now. I am so honored to be reading these letters. When in a time of crisis or hardship you could see my grandfather comfort my grandmother to not worry and that it would be ok and he still wants to be home for Christmas. That song, 'I'll be home for Christmas' sure has new meaning for me.
I miss my grandparents and think of them often. As I have been going through trials in my own life. Even lately, I am looking to my grandparents on both sides of my family for insight. They lived through some of the toughest times in our nation and had some tough times in the personal lives. They made it and came through with amazing insights for their children and now for their grandchildren and I only hope I can pass on those values and ideals onto my children. They learned the value of money which is an important lesson that kids in my generation and younger a lot of times forget. Money was cherished and hard worked for to get it. Now kids think that they just ask mom and dad and money just comes to them. I think teaching children the value of a dollar could help put things into perspective for them. I think that now that I am learning a budget and the value of the dollar and seeing these letters and hearing stories prior to now from my Gran and reading journal entries from my MeMa is showing me how GOOD I have had it and that now may be a rough patch financially but nothing like what they went through. And seeing how my mother and father turned out just is another illustration of how money does NOT buy happiness. If you talk to them or their siblings they remember the awesome things their parents did with them, or the Christmas mornings that they had and they were never 'sad' about what was or wasn't there it was always we were given this and we did that with family! That is really special to me and I hope that I can instill the same values in my children as was instilled in my mom and dad.
Life is truly a short time here on earth. We are blessed with those we love and cherish and place time and invest of ourselves in them. I am thankful for all I have and all I have had. I am grateful for my life. I think that life is a blessing and each of us should cherish each and every day to the fullest of our ability. I look forward to the many opportunities that God is placing before me now and in my future that I cannot even see yet.
I know this has been a bit of a haphazard post and I hope you can forgive me for that but I really wanted to put these thoughts down on paper and I just wanted to share. I hope that you can appreciate it for what it is worth.
I have been thinking about things I want to change this new year. And I know it is already the 3rd week of the new year but I am just getting to posting about it. I am trying to always have a book (at least one) that I am reading. I am working to get back into ballet form and shape! That is a big goal of mine! I will be back out there dancing. =) I want to be blogging at least 5 times a week. I really want to expand on my writing and please send feedback. I want to expand my horizons and try new things with my girls this year as they are older. I plan on going to at least 1 (Lord willing more than 1) yankee game in the new stadium. I also want to be working on at least 1 piece of artwork always this year. I want to put those out there (probably up on here) for critique and a critical eye. I plan on those being photography, painting, drawing, poetry, not sure what else but at least those options. I really have some major changes I want to do this year and for me 2011 is truly a year for new changes and explorations in my own life!
Well, I am signing off! Have a blessed day and know that I will be back soon!
My Gran passed away a few weeks ago now. I miss her dearly. And I have had the privilege of spending a lot of time with her before she went to be with Christ and now am learning even more about her that I did not now after her passing. One thing that was discovered was a whole bunch of letters of communication between her and my Papa while my papa was training or fighting in World War 2. They are AMAZING to read. The laughter, the wishes, the dreams, the love, the fears. It is all hand written to each other in these letters. I knew my grandparents and knew them both well, but this was a side of them I had not been blessed to see until now. I am so honored to be reading these letters. When in a time of crisis or hardship you could see my grandfather comfort my grandmother to not worry and that it would be ok and he still wants to be home for Christmas. That song, 'I'll be home for Christmas' sure has new meaning for me.
I miss my grandparents and think of them often. As I have been going through trials in my own life. Even lately, I am looking to my grandparents on both sides of my family for insight. They lived through some of the toughest times in our nation and had some tough times in the personal lives. They made it and came through with amazing insights for their children and now for their grandchildren and I only hope I can pass on those values and ideals onto my children. They learned the value of money which is an important lesson that kids in my generation and younger a lot of times forget. Money was cherished and hard worked for to get it. Now kids think that they just ask mom and dad and money just comes to them. I think teaching children the value of a dollar could help put things into perspective for them. I think that now that I am learning a budget and the value of the dollar and seeing these letters and hearing stories prior to now from my Gran and reading journal entries from my MeMa is showing me how GOOD I have had it and that now may be a rough patch financially but nothing like what they went through. And seeing how my mother and father turned out just is another illustration of how money does NOT buy happiness. If you talk to them or their siblings they remember the awesome things their parents did with them, or the Christmas mornings that they had and they were never 'sad' about what was or wasn't there it was always we were given this and we did that with family! That is really special to me and I hope that I can instill the same values in my children as was instilled in my mom and dad.
Life is truly a short time here on earth. We are blessed with those we love and cherish and place time and invest of ourselves in them. I am thankful for all I have and all I have had. I am grateful for my life. I think that life is a blessing and each of us should cherish each and every day to the fullest of our ability. I look forward to the many opportunities that God is placing before me now and in my future that I cannot even see yet.
I know this has been a bit of a haphazard post and I hope you can forgive me for that but I really wanted to put these thoughts down on paper and I just wanted to share. I hope that you can appreciate it for what it is worth.
I have been thinking about things I want to change this new year. And I know it is already the 3rd week of the new year but I am just getting to posting about it. I am trying to always have a book (at least one) that I am reading. I am working to get back into ballet form and shape! That is a big goal of mine! I will be back out there dancing. =) I want to be blogging at least 5 times a week. I really want to expand on my writing and please send feedback. I want to expand my horizons and try new things with my girls this year as they are older. I plan on going to at least 1 (Lord willing more than 1) yankee game in the new stadium. I also want to be working on at least 1 piece of artwork always this year. I want to put those out there (probably up on here) for critique and a critical eye. I plan on those being photography, painting, drawing, poetry, not sure what else but at least those options. I really have some major changes I want to do this year and for me 2011 is truly a year for new changes and explorations in my own life!
Well, I am signing off! Have a blessed day and know that I will be back soon!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Gran
Hi....
My Gran (my father's mother) passed away this past Sunday January 1st, 2011, she is a wonderful woman of God and I just have so many thoughts in my head that I thought blogging might be a good way of expressing some of how I am feeling and some of the thoughts that have been on my mind with my Gran passing.
Gran was the life of the party. =) She always had a way of making us feel welcome and loved no matter how long between visits. I cherish that she and my Papa only lived about 5 minutes away from me since I was a child, and we were always going out there and seeing them. It was a joy in my life. Gran always took the time to teach each of us how to swim, how to bake, how to cook, how to eat lol (she was always baking and cooking for us). Come to think of it, I cannot remember a time I did not walk into her home and it smelled like either something had just been baked or cooked. =) It was a WONDERFUL smell that will be forever engraved in my mind.
Gran and I got to spend some precious time together over her battle with cancer. She fought breast cancer since 1999 and boy she is a strong woman and would not let that cancer take her down and fought with all she had. I admire that will and fight within her more than anything. She always was worrying and caring for each of us even when she was so sick. She was wanting to help us and be there for me through my recent struggles in my own life and my marriage. That was her spirit though and what she always ingrained in me from the time I was a small child was that you always think of others and their needs. Put others before yourself.
There are no where near enough words to encompass what a wonderful, strong, loving, kind, woman of God my Grandmother Ruth was. She always had a smile on her face and made us kids smile.
I know she is at peace, and was at peace before she passed, she spoke the words 'I am not afraid'. That was such a peaceful statement. She knew she was going to be in heaven with her heavenly Father and with her husband. =) it makes me smile to think of them reunited, not in pain anymore.
There is so much more I could say, i probably could write a novel just about my Grandmother (in fact about both sets of my grandparents). I just am blessed and feel so honored for the time I was personally given here on earth with her and that she and I had some amazing conversations over the last few months of her life and I forever am grateful for having her be such a big part of my life and my children's lives. =)
Thank you Gran for everything! You are missed deeply, and loved deeply, but we know you are in a better place! I am at peace knowing you are watching over us from up above. Love you Gran!
My Gran (my father's mother) passed away this past Sunday January 1st, 2011, she is a wonderful woman of God and I just have so many thoughts in my head that I thought blogging might be a good way of expressing some of how I am feeling and some of the thoughts that have been on my mind with my Gran passing.
Gran was the life of the party. =) She always had a way of making us feel welcome and loved no matter how long between visits. I cherish that she and my Papa only lived about 5 minutes away from me since I was a child, and we were always going out there and seeing them. It was a joy in my life. Gran always took the time to teach each of us how to swim, how to bake, how to cook, how to eat lol (she was always baking and cooking for us). Come to think of it, I cannot remember a time I did not walk into her home and it smelled like either something had just been baked or cooked. =) It was a WONDERFUL smell that will be forever engraved in my mind.
Gran and I got to spend some precious time together over her battle with cancer. She fought breast cancer since 1999 and boy she is a strong woman and would not let that cancer take her down and fought with all she had. I admire that will and fight within her more than anything. She always was worrying and caring for each of us even when she was so sick. She was wanting to help us and be there for me through my recent struggles in my own life and my marriage. That was her spirit though and what she always ingrained in me from the time I was a small child was that you always think of others and their needs. Put others before yourself.
There are no where near enough words to encompass what a wonderful, strong, loving, kind, woman of God my Grandmother Ruth was. She always had a smile on her face and made us kids smile.
I know she is at peace, and was at peace before she passed, she spoke the words 'I am not afraid'. That was such a peaceful statement. She knew she was going to be in heaven with her heavenly Father and with her husband. =) it makes me smile to think of them reunited, not in pain anymore.
There is so much more I could say, i probably could write a novel just about my Grandmother (in fact about both sets of my grandparents). I just am blessed and feel so honored for the time I was personally given here on earth with her and that she and I had some amazing conversations over the last few months of her life and I forever am grateful for having her be such a big part of my life and my children's lives. =)
Thank you Gran for everything! You are missed deeply, and loved deeply, but we know you are in a better place! I am at peace knowing you are watching over us from up above. Love you Gran!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Some fall photos
Thursday, October 28, 2010
New blog
Hi all!
I just decided to restart the blogging process. I think it can be a real benefit for everyone involved. I really am hoping for this to be an 'interactive experience'. I would love for people to comment with good and constructive criticism. I am open to hear what you all have to say! Please join in this journey with me and I hope to begin to finally reach out and share things like my artwork/photography. Things that I have kept personal for so long, I am developing a passion to share those, and would love and critiques.
Hope you all enjoy this journey with me!
God bless
I just decided to restart the blogging process. I think it can be a real benefit for everyone involved. I really am hoping for this to be an 'interactive experience'. I would love for people to comment with good and constructive criticism. I am open to hear what you all have to say! Please join in this journey with me and I hope to begin to finally reach out and share things like my artwork/photography. Things that I have kept personal for so long, I am developing a passion to share those, and would love and critiques.
Hope you all enjoy this journey with me!
God bless
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